Just a Mom

So as the rain came down today I sat and watched my 13 year old LIVE on video games and I thought to myself… “Wow, way to go you’re Mom of the Year in his eyes but what a bad mom!” Then I realized that’s not it at all… I’m a mom doing the best I can without instructions and sometimes without the brains needed to even make a decision because of all that I am juggling in my life in general. 

My house is almost never clean. Atleast not eat on the floor clean. I have friends (with young kids) whose houses are spotless! I mean show worthy. Are they better moms than me? Nope. Am I a better mom than them because I don’t focus on that instead of my children? Nope.

I don’t have the ability to take my kids on lavish vacations to far away lands but they have friends that have been to every continent. Are their parents giving them a better life? Nope. 

I try to watch my language in front of my boys but they’ve definitely heard me swear even though my girlfriend is good about NEVER cursing in front of her teenager. Does that make her a better mom than m? Hell no!

I’m a yeller and have raised my voice too many times while my closest girlfriend rationally and quietly speaks to her daughter without ever dreaming of such a thing. Is she a better mom than me? Absolutely not. 

I learned that my youngest does not do well when he’s eaten foods with red dye but I know beautiful women that have never even considered the dyes in their foods. Does that mean they care any less about their children or that I am wiser in any way ? Oh my goodness NO! 

I was raised by a mother that got divorced when I was 6 years old and now my boys are experiencing the same heartbreak in their lives. My best friend has been married 22 years and adores her husband Does that make her a better example for her daughter than I am for my boys? Nope. 

I drink a beer or glass of wine (sometimes a few) in front of my boys. I’m still a good mom. I have friends that never drink in front of the their children. They are good moms also

Are working moms better than stay at home moms? Nope

Are married moms better than single moms? Nope

Can you be a good mom if you don’t schedule your entire summer with educational activities? Yep

Can you be a good mom if you let the tv babysit your kids from time to time? Even video games? Yep

I’m a Christian but I have friends who practice no faith, are Muslim and are Jewish but they are all amazing moms trying to raise their children to know right from from and love someone bigger than themselves.

The point here is that some days we feel like we’re doing a great job at this crazy thing called parenting and other delays we are not even in the same book. That doesn’t make us a failure. It’s time we give one another some slack. More importantly it’s time we give ourselves some slack.  The pressure to be the “best” mom ever known is intense. It’s huge and it’s CRAZY. Love your children. Give them everything that you can give and know the difference between giving them what they need and what they desperately want. Know that it’s not stuff that makes them better. It’s not who you are that makes them better. It’s not where they go, what they have or even who they have. It’s being loved that matters Love your children. Love yourself. Love one another. 

Monday Morning Motivation

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I know that for many of us, Monday Mornings are a rough start to the week… but they keep on coming! That’s why I came up with the Monday Morning Motivation so that I am assured to start the week off in the right frame of mind. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and a comfy seat and join me for the Monday Morning motivator…

This Monday is requiring a very special kind of motivation. There’s always that need to keep swimming. Keep pushing forward and making each day better than the last but today is different.  It’s moving week. AHHH! 19years in the same house has left me with a whole lot to do. POD arrives this morning and closing is on Thursday so today’s motivation is to keep swimming but in a different way than usual. Today I MUST keep working, don’t get distracted, push through when you’re tired and work, work, work until it’s all done!

I haven’t moved in 19 years so as I look over my house I’m amazed by the amount of stuff I’ve accumulated… seriously though, does junk multiple like rabbits? I swear I couldn’t have bought all this stuff HAHA!  Fortunately, with the divorce and all the hardship the last year has had I’m not feeling the pain of leaving or the nostalgia just the exhaustion. On the backside is a HUGE amount of excitement though. Starting over. Fresh and new beginning. That’s healing. That’s exciting. That’s my motivation.

Happy Monday… keep swimming. Keep your chin up and move forward

 

Monday Morning Motivation

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I know that for many of us, Monday Mornings are a rough start to the week… but they keep on coming! That’s why I came up with the Monday Morning Motivation so that I am assured to start the week off in the right frame of mind. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and a comfy seat and join me for the Monday Morning motivator…

This morning I can’t help but reflect on and smile about the friends that have made these last few months so bearable. We all experience times in our lives that truly bring us to our knees. Times when the challenges seem to outweigh our capabilities. It’s in those times that we learn who really loves us. It’s in those times we learn who we can truly depend on.  I am so incredibly fortunate to have women in my life that have lifted me up when I couldn’t walk alone, made me laugh until I couldn’t breath and encouraged me when I couldn’t believe what was happening.  The power of friendship is something that can heal the most incredible wounds and I could not have gotten through this past year without them.

So over this last weekend our boys had a baseball tournament out of town and it’s during those long days at the ballpark that we’re able to bond and laugh life a group of teenage girls. OMG, it was too much! The conversations we have are completely inappropriate, we cheer so loudly that our boys are embarrassed and the coaches question whether we should be allowed to stay or not but we have so much fun together.  We support one another. We love one another and we depend on one another. So on this beautiful Monday morning as I reflect on my weekend I am thankful for the women in my life that are always there beside me. For the women that care enough to hold me when I’m crying, to tell me when I’m wrong and be silly right along side me. Girlfriends are who help us get through the ups and downs of our lives. They share the good and the bad times. They make our lives richer and more meaningful… I couldn’t survive without you !

Another New Beginning

It seems that this last 18 months has been filled with constant change… Today marks another milestone. High School Graduation! It’s hard to believe that almost 18 years ago I gave birth to my first son and today he will graduate from high school and prepare to step out into the big ole world on his own. 

There is such incredible pride as I look at all he has accomplished and what I know he will accomplish but I’ve also found myself breaking down into tears randomly over the last week. I’m not scared to send him off to college. I know this is what I want for him. What he should be doing. But he’s my baby. He’s my firstborn. He’s been my rock and stability in the last few years. 

He has climbed a lot of mountains in the last year and at first I blamed myself for the heartache and pain. I filed for divorce and turned their world upside down. I added a lot of stress and question to his life when there was already naturally a lot going on. No it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t cause him more pain. I was there to encourage him. I was there to help him navigate the changes and challenges. This has undoubtedly strengthened him for the future. He knows what he’s capable of now. He knows what it takes to persevere when you don’t want to. To keep fighting when you want to give up. He knows what it means to say fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s true, life is not always rainbows and unicorns- okay he wouldn’t use that description. Life is not always playing your best round of golf on a beautiful sunny day! But we survive. 

So today I am so proud of what he has accomplished. My heart will break as I leave him in Michigan in August but it will also soar with joy as I look for him to grow and become the amazing man that I know he was destined to be. As a mother I know that it’s my job to love them, to teach them and to let them go… To trust that I have done what I was supposed to do so they can be strong and independent! My prayer is for these things. My prayer is that he will soar with the wings that he has and never forget the roots that ground him. 

“Always remember you are Braver than you believe, Stronger than you seem, Smarter than you think and LOVED  far more than you will ever know.”

Monday Morning Motivation

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I know that for many of us, Monday Mornings are a rough start to the week… but they keep on coming! That’s why I came up with the Monday Morning Motivation so that I am assured to start the week off in the right frame of mind. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and a comfy seat and join me for the Monday Morning motivator…

I know I’m a little past “morning” but motivation comes at all hours of the day and night right?! It has been a very busy week here at my house… As of yesterday this is my schedule for the week: put offer in on a new house and got accepted, put my house on the market, oldest son graduates from high school, last week of school so I have to look for a long-term contract for next year, baseball game Tuesday evening, baseball tournament beginning Friday for the weekend… … FULL WEEK!

This lead me to my Monday morning motivation… But it was a little late. It took a message from a friend reminding me that God is Good. All the time, He is good! Sometimes when you’re in the midst of chaos, pain and total life change it’s hard to think of anyone as being in control let alone good. But I was reminded that God is good. All the time he’s good and His goal is to love us, care for us, guide us and always always alway give us what we need! I needed that reminder today because I was focusing on the things that weren’t going as I had “planned” them or how how I thought they needed to go.  I forgot that I don’t know much of anything when it comes to what I truly need. I know what I want but just like I tell my own children “that’s not a need, it’s a desire”. Tonight I”m taking a moment to remember that I don’t know everything. I don’t have all the answers and sometimes the answers arent’t ready to be revealed so I have to wait even longer.

“Be patience my child. Be strong and courageous. For I know the plans that I have for you!”

Sometimes we all need that sweet and gently reminder to be strong and courageous. Trust in God and trust in his ways… He will never leave or forsake us ❤️

Monday Morning Motivation

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I know that for many of us, Monday Mornings are a rough start to the week… but they keep on coming! That’s why I came up with the Monday Morning Motivation so that I am assured to start the week off in the right frame of mind. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and a comfy seat and join me for the Monday Morning motivator…

It has been a while since I’ve faithfully sat down on Monday Mornings and gotten myself motivated for the week. Or simply for the day ahead. It’s time to get back into the swing of things and pick up the pieces…

 

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Change is not always a bad thing but it is hard. I have come to accept that I am not the same person that I was when I was 21… I was a few pounds lighter, the stress level was immeasurable compared to today and I feel like I was so much more carefree.   I’m not the same person I was just 2 years ago. Today I’m finally happy to admit that! I’m a little older and undoubtedly wiser, been beat up but definitely not knocked out and in some ways a tad broken but far from destroyed. Today I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want. More importantly a better idea of what I deserve!

No one should feel like a prisoner in their own home. Like they’re walking on eggshells all the time.  Fearful to speak and even more terrified of actually being heard. That is not what love is. That is not what a family is.

Broken crayons still make a beautiful picture and broken people can still make a beautiful life.  Broken does not mean destroyed. Broken does not mean worthless. Broken does not mean alone.

Broken is braver, stronger, wiser. Broken has lived and learned. Broken knows what they want and what they deserve. Broken is ready to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…

 

 

 

Divorce and the Narcissist

Lies. Cheating. Controlling. Divorce is never easy.  Divorcing a narcissist  is far from easy.  I knew this was the path I had to walk no matter how painful it was going to be. Painful doesn’t even begin to describe how this process went.

I’ve heard so many people say that divorce is easy and that’s why so many people do it but divorce was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done. My children were so hurt. Angry beyond belief and I truly believe they hated me for many many months. Then add the narcissist. The fact that I filed for divorce when he always believed I was the scared and weak person he controlled was a huge hit to his ego. Remember a narcissist blames everyone else when things go wrong so his lying and cheating ultimately were my fault.  I was a terrible wife and I caused him to become a terrible husband. This immediately let to an incredible hatred and desire to hurt me at all costs…  Even if our boys suffered.  There was manipulation, more deception and lies, name calling and sheer evil . The fact that he asked for my Bible, my sewing machine and my hairdryer only proved to me his desire to hurt me was stronger than any other reasonable thought he could possibly have  I tried so hard to take the high ride. I resisted the urge to tell my boys the truth.  I wasn’t always successful. There were days where I cried until my head ached and I believed his ugly words that told me I’d be sad and lonely. Then there were days when I had such intense hatred for him that I couldn’t think of anything positive about him at all. I was disappointed in myself because clearly my judgement was so beyond bad. I doubted myself and my ability to get through but I fought.  I fought for my boys and what they needed to see as an example of strength and determination. They needed to see an example of what real love does. A picture of what true love looks like.

This process was possibly the longest year of my life and as long as we have children that live at home it continue to be a challenge but I’ve learned more about myself than I ever would have without it. I know exactly how strong I am. I am capable of so much more than I ever knew… I can and I will survive this. Actually I’ll do much better than survive I’ll thrive.

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